The last three days have been extraordinary. I feel completely at home no matter where I am. I am brimming with well being.
I would like to relate two incidents that happened in the last several days*:
First, I fell down the stairs yesterday. The stairs are carpeted and I was walking down them in socks. I was in full stride when my foot went out from under me with my weight behind it. I fell on my rear knee, did the splits and slid down about seven stairs through the metal baby gate at the bottom. My leg went through the bars up to the knee. It was a neck-breaking wipe out. I was the only one home at the time.
What is worth recounting about this fall is that I not only survived unscathed, but that I knew I would as it was happening. There was a distinct moment when my limited personal consciousness, the ego, knew I was screwed. In that split second, as my foot slipped and my weight shifted, my mind froze completely. But in this same moment I felt the immensity of my greater consciousness take over as I fell.
As I sat at the bottom of the stairs, I felt as connected as though I had finished a meditation. I don’t think the fall even raised my heartbeat. I pulled my leg out from between the bars and rubbed it thoroughly for almost five minutes, but the stillness within and without assured me that I was fine. I rose to my feet and radiated knowingness. I was protected. I still have not developed a single bruise.
I cannot adequately portray what happened here or its significance, and if I could I’m sure it would come across as superstitious or miraculous. But in this moment I was tuned in to forces that were acting on my behalf for my protection. I am thanking my daily meditations for opening this power up to me.
Second, I healed a pain in my stomach that I have had for years. I hold stress in my stomach. My intestines have been one gargantuan monkey fist for as long as I can remember. I suffer daily from heartburn, indigestion, bloating, and other unpleasantness. I have always hoped that I could heal myself through meditation – today I did.
As I sat in meditation, I reached a state in which I was connected to a vast sea of neutral energy. It was all around me and flowed through me, and every thought I had changed it. I silenced my mind and focused on feeling present in this sea of energy as it existed, not as I desired it.
With my mind silent I concentrated on inhabiting each part of my body. When I reached my stomach, I allowed my presence there to dissipate all other sensations. In an instant I released a giant knot of tension to the left of my naval. Instantly I felt the warmth of new blood flow in that area.
Not only was the feeling of tension gone, but it was gone as though it had never existed. I could not even recreate the old feeling of tension that had existed there when I tried. The tension was not gone from my body, it was erased from my consciousness.
As soon as this tension was released, waves of old feelings and memories rushed into my consciousness. It was as if the tension was a hub of suppressed emotions. In that moment I experienced firsthand the effects of the mind on the body. I was responsible for this affliction, and I had consciously chosen to release it.
There is a lemma to the truth I experienced: the body is but one form within the field of my consciousness. I focus on healing my body because I feel like it is properly me – I inhabit it so I control it. But from the healing state I saw that all things in my life are products of my consciousness. Just as I healed my body by adding consciousness, so too could I heal circumstances in the the greater body of my life. All things happen within my consciousness; I am the universal consciousness- thus I can create and change all things.
These two incidents were so exciting to me that I feel I will have to restart meditating from scratch. This success is a curse – I have so many new expectations and desires! In two days I rekindled all the expectations and desires I had before I started meditating. I discovered I have power; I want to use it!
But the power is a product of my humility, diminished desire, and abdication of self. These material accomplishments came only when I gave up all hope and desire to achieve them. Now I feel like I’ll never achieve them again precisely because I want to so badly. What a paradox.
I tried to meditate today but all I could do was think about how cool these incidents were and how badly I wanted to recreate them. I couldn’t stifle my excitement for ten minutes much less delve into any deeper states of consciousness. Fortunately I have learned to manage my less enlightening days.
I’ll let the excitement run its course. Rather than suppress it, I’ll simply sit and inquire, “To whom does this excitement arise?”
It only takes a few minutes of this to regain my perspective. Perhaps I won’t have to start again from scratch. Perhaps I have gained some of the tools to manage my expectations after all.
*In the interest of full disclosure, I am meditating every day and blogging every two or three days. More happens than I can relate, so I have to select the most interesting things to describe. This is my 21st blog, but already my 53rd day of consecutive meditation. Sorry for the false advertising; I hope my reader will understand.