50 Days of Meditation: Day 20

The last two days have been major breakthroughs. I feel like I have undergone a transformation, or more accurately a reorientation, since my understanding is the only thing that has changed. I am no longer seeking the God out there, but am now allowing the God within me to shine through. It’s a totally different sensation.

I realize now how long I’ve overlooked what is in me by pining after what I thought was outside of me. My light is shining brightly now. But I’m not making it happen, I’m not praying it will happen, I’m not trying to let it happen; I’m quieting my mind, curbing my desires, humbling myself and getting out of the way.

I have always prayed. But I realize now the dualistic implications of prayer: I am here, God is there, prayer travels between. What I desired most without knowing it is not prayer, but communion. Communion is oneness with your true nature, oneness with the root of your being. During communion prayer is answered instantly or rendered irrelevant. Replace prayer with communion and you’ll find what you’re looking for.

As I remain in communion while going about the day, I lose every reason to pray for myself – I am whole within God. Others become the sole subject of prayer. But again, one does not need to pray for others when in a state of communion, but only to extend the peace of communion to them.

During communion you are one with God. All people are one with God, thus one with each other. Most do not experience this as true in their daily lives. But when you know it for them you transmit that truth to them and help them tap into it. When you know experientially that you are one with another you transmit love. Love is the experience of oneness – God is the oneness behind all things – thus the universal message of the mystics: God is love. This is not a metaphor: it’s a literal statement.

Today I will use the same technique as yesterday. I will break up my meditation into four quarter hours and concentrate on specific points for each quarter. I assume a meditative posture, set my timer for fifteen minutes and press start.

The first point of focus is to hold a clear mind. I can do this fairly easily. Between yesterday and today I notice that my biggest impediment here is self congratulation and flattery. As soon as I clear my mind my voice of self-congratulations appears: “Well done. It sure is quiet in here. Good job. This is working great. I wonder if others have achieved this level of clarity – surely not because you are the man.” These thoughts feel good so I don’t rush to get rid of them, which makes them all the more distracting. The proper medicine is humility. I’m reminded of Ephesians 2:8, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, not by works, so that no one may boast.” What I achieve here is a gift, not the product of my own efforts. If it is not my conscious control that leads to peace then it must be a gift, or at least feel like a gift to the ego. These new perspectives usher in perfect silence.

Second I focus on feeling it less. I notice here that when I’m “feeling it,” I’m trying, holding tension, expecting results, and thinking about other things. To feel it less I must let go. The proper tool here is faith – by letting these things go I trust they will not spin into chaos, nor will my personhood or identity disappear without being replaced by something better. I have faith and let it all go. The lightness of my true being shines through.

Third focus is being the silence under my vibration. By feeling it less I have already achieved this state. I hold it for the allotted time with relative ease. It is so peaceful. I hear birds chirp outside. The sound does not come from outside but from within my own consciousness.

Finally I attempt to determine who the seer is. Rather than turn my attention backwards on itself, I stare forward intensely into the darkness. I am the observer looking forward, not backward. But if I am the seer, how do I see the seer? How do I find that which I am?

The absurdity of this question slaps me in the face and in an instant I am enlightened. I explode in a fit of the most genuine laughter I have experienced in years. Suddenly things are perfectly clear. You don’t search for what you are – you be what you are. I am that I am. The forward-facing awareness consumes all. All is within it and nothing without. All is one. This is it. This is the real deal.

I stifle the laughter this time, but I radiate with it instead. I sit for the remainder of the time in bliss. Awareness is all that exists; all that exists within it as illusion.

My timer rings.

Another phenomenal day. I let it go as quickly as possible. We’ll see what pops in and out of my consciousness throughout the day when I just let it be. The lessons of the day are humility, faith and love.



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